Re-purposing is for More than Furniture

Re-purposing is for More than Furniture.

I was driving home from the gym today and it occurred to me that the past few months my heart was being re-purposed.  I know, crazy thought but you have to hear me out on this one.  

The Before

The past 3 years for me were not my best in many, many ways.  I was always looking for something to pull me out of my slump.  Everything seemed so hard and I felt exhausted all of the time.  I always thought to myself, "you have to be better, why can't you just DO it!"...you know... what I have to do... be an all-star, kick-butt, amazing, got-it-all together mom and wife.  In my mind there were always things that if I just did, I would measure up.  Examples...

• Keep an organized and clean house
• Always be on top of homework, practices, games, and appointments
• Workout consistently 5X a week
• Pull weeds consistently
• Run a preschool for my 2-year old
• Laundry always caught up and put away
• A packed lunch everyday
• Home-made healthy breakfast and dinner
• Always have energy
• Active with my kids 
• and more on any given day...Phew!

I never found any consistent or solid ground with these goals so I gave up.  I became a "self-proclaimed hot mess" and decided I did not care anymore.  If I ran around touting "I'm Libby, I'm a mess, don't expect much from me", then I could let myself off the hook.  This was not going to work either.  It was... depressing. I needed to restart my heart but I had no idea how.  I turned to God and just said, "I am out of answers!" and then He said, "Get a job"!

The Process

I always wanted to work at the local elementary school.  My kids went there, I went there, and my 2-year old son will go there.  The school and the people inside that building mean a lot to me.  I was already a familiar face because I liked  volunteering, running in lost books, missing homework, book bags, that sort of thing. I knew I always wanted to work there when my children got older.  The job idea got pushed back a little when we adopted our little guy 2 years ago.  

This past summer I saw a job opportunity and I applied for it.  The doors for the job were flying open and I felt confident that God put this right in my path.  It was not long until I realized this was what I was meant to do.   I felt so connected to the job and the kids it did not seem like a moment of work.  The students that I came in contact with, worked with, talked with; they showed me something about myself that I was missing, worth.  It was the first time I understood what being passionate about something felt like.  We had a mutual understanding; I believed in them and they believed in me.  

I enjoyed getting to know each and every one of the kids at the school. They all have so much to offer and potential, oh my goodness, limitless.  

Unfortunately my time there had to come to an end after a few months for family and personal reasons.  I was upset that I made a mistake when I thought it was so right.  I wondered what was that all about?  That is what I realized today.

The After

I have a re-purposed heart. The experience changed my heart so that I could gain the proper perspective on what MY family needs for a mom and a wife.  I was looking at other moms, other families, and gauging my success in life off of their example.  My new situation allowed me to be vulnerable, giving me an opportunity for change.

The students opened my eyes just by talking to me, sharing their lives, giving me a better understanding of what my kids need from me.  Re-purposing an old piece of furniture allows you to breathe new life into it, give it a new purpose.  That is what they did for me; they breathed new life into my broken-down heart.  They gave me purpose that I did not see before. 

I now realize the hours in my day are a blessing to take action and provide my family with a nurturing and safe environment where they feel that they can fail and stand back up.  I want to be a mom and wife that LISTENS, really listens.  I want to assess the dangers they face in the world and provide them with the tools to push past those blockades.  I want to be exactly what those kids saw in me-ME!  This gives me purpose. At the end of the day the list above doesn't define me or my success; it's the snuggles, our safe and happy home, and that I teach my kids how to Love and respect others.  

I had a goal that before the end of the year I was going to learn all 400+ student's names.  I think it is safe to say I knew over half and it was December.  I think I would have made it!!!!!